More Watercooler Stories

Here are few interesting little tidbits for you to talk about at work. Make yourself seem witty and informed by dropping these stories the next time you are standing around the coffee maker, watercooler, or whatever else you stand around at your workplace. Enjoy....


Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

Watercooler Stories

Here is some content for your conversations around the "watercooler" today. How many of you actually have a watercooler in your office? Maybe we should change watercooler to coffeeheater :). Anyway enjoy this collection of interesting little news bits and have a great day.




Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

Seatle Woman Registers Her Dog To Vote

Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas

A spammer sent to me:

And emails to get out of debt for a fee

On the second day of Christmas

A spammer sent to me

Two Stock Promotions

And emails to get of debt for a fee

On the third day of Christmas

A spammer sent to me

Three Lottery Prizes

Two Stock Promotions

And emails to get out debt for a fee

On the fourth day of Christmas

A spammer sent to me

Four Free Websites

Three Lottery Prizes

Two Stock Promotions

And emails to get out debt for a fee

On the fifth day of Christmas

A spammer sent to me

Five Beauty Secrets

Four Free Websites

Three Lottery Prizes

Two Stock Promotions

And emails to get out debt for a fee

On the sixth day of Christmas

a spammer sent to me:

Six Get Rich Books

Five Beauty Secrets

Four Free Websites

Three Lottery Prizes

Two Stock Promotions

And emails to get out debt for a fee

On the seventh day of Christmas

a spammer sent to me:

Seven Steps to Swindling

Six Get Rich Books

Five Beauty Secrets

Four Free Websites

Three Lottery Prizes

Two Stock Promotions

And emails to get out debt for a fee

On the eighth day of Christmas

A spammer sent to me

Eight Ways of Bilking

Seven Steps to Swindling

Six Get Rich Books

Five Beauty Secrets

Four Free Websites

Three Lottery Prizes

Two Stock Promotions

And emails to get out debt for a fee

On the ninth day of Christmas

A spammer sent to me

Nine Ways to stop Smoking

Eight Ways of Bilking

Seven Steps to Swindling

Six Get Rich Books

Five Beauty Secrets

Four Free Websites

Three Lottery Prizes

Two Stock Promotions

And emails to get out debt for a fee

On the tenth day of Christmas

a spammer sent to me

Ten Rules to better sleeping

Nine Ways to stop Smoking

Eight Ways of Bilking

Seven Steps to Swindling

Six Get Rich Books

Five Beauty Secrets

Four Free Websites

Three Lottery Prizes

Two Stock Promotions

And emails to get out debt for a fee

On the eleventh day of Christmas

A spammer sent to me:

Eleven Pipers Hyping

Ten Rules to better sleeping

Nine Ways to stop Smoking

Eight Ways of Bilking

Seven Steps to Swindling

Six Get Rich Books

Five Beauty Secrets

Four Free Websites

Three Lottery Prizes

Two Stock Promotions

And emails to get out debt for a fee

On the twelfth day of Christmas

A spammer sent to me

Twelve Crummy Poems

Eleven Pipers Hyping

Ten Rules to better sleeping

Nine Ways to stop Smoking

Eight Ways of Bilking

Seven Steps to Swindling

Six Get Rich Books

Five Beauty Secrets

Four Free Websites

Three Lottery Prizes

Two Stock Promotions

And emails to get out debt for a fee

For other articles by Mike visit; http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/28845/mike_hazelwood.html

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mike_Hazelwood http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Twelve-Days-of-Christmas&id=868910



Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

Bell Ringer On Break Steals From Wal-Mart

I just thought this was funny given the nature of the article I wrote the other day Remember When The Bell Ringers Used To Be Tough. I read this story about a bell ringer stealing from Wal-Mart and thought you mind find some of the irony in it that I did. There are some other short odd crime stories in this article you might enjoy as well.

Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

No Sex In Space? Why Go?

I was just checking out one of my favorite blogs of all time The Museum of Hoaxes and read this article Still No Sex In Space. I thought it was funny due to the fact that I have actually thought about how sex in space would work. Rumor has it so has NASA. I guess it involves elastic bands of some kind. Sounds kinky to me. I know that when this online money making stuff nets me my 40 million me and a lady friend are heading into space for some kinky elastic band assisted sex! Well one can hope right? Man you guys are too serious.

Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

Ways NOT to describe your Boss or Co-Workers

Sharp as a marble
Has the intellectual depth of a soup plate
A couple of sandwiches short of a full picnic
A couple of slates short of a full roof
A couplet short of a sonnet
A day late and a dollar short
A few beers short of a six-pack
A few ears short of a bushel
A few feathers short of a duck
A few peas short of a pod
A few straws short of a bale
A few tiles missing from his space shuttle
A few yards short of the hole
A kangaroo loose in the top paddock
A pane short of a window
A semi-tone flat on the high notes
A span short of a bridge
All foam, no beer
All hammer, no nail
All hat and no cattle
All the lights don’t shine in his/her marquee
All wax and no wick
An experiment in natural stupidity
Answers the door when the phone rings
Bad spot on the disc
Batteries not included
Bright as Alaska in December
Bubbles in the think tank
Can’t count [pick any part of the human anatomy with more than one] and get the same answer twice
Cart can’t hold all the groceries
Cheats when filling out opinion polls
Chimney’s clogged
Clock doesn’t have all its numbers
Couldn’t organize a piss-up in a brewery
Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
Couldn’t write dialogue for a porno film
Cranio-rectally inverted
Deep as her dimples
Defective hard drive
Dock doesn’t quite reach the water
Doesn’t just know nothing; doesn’t even suspect much
Doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his balls
Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the penthouse
Elevator goes all the way to the top but the door doesn’t open
Elevator is on the ground floor and he’s pushing the DOWN button
Enough sawdust between the ears to bed an elephant
Factually impaired
Goalie for the dart team
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t looking
Has all the brains God gave a duck’s ass
Has an IQ one point lower than it takes to grunt
Has his brain on cruise control
Has no upper stage
Has the personality of a snail on Valium
Having a party in his head, but no one else is invited
He’s so dense, light bends around him
Her modem lights are on, but there’s no carrier
Her head whistles in a cross-wind
His IQ test is a false positive
His spark can’t jump the gap
If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate
If his brains were money, he’d still be in debt
If his IQ was two points higher he’d be a rock
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean
In the shopping mall of the mind, he’s in the toy store
Informationally deprived
Inspected by #13
IQ lower than a snake’s gut in a wagon rut
It’s hard to believe he beat 100,000 other sperm
Knitting with only one needle
Left the store without all of his groceries
Leveled off before reaching altitude
Lights are on, but no one’s home
Lives in La-la land
Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum
Missing a few buttons on his remote
Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral
Moves his lips to pretend he’s reading
Nice house, but not much furniture
No coins in the fountain
No grain in the silo
No hay in the loft
No one at the throttle
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree
Oil doesn’t reach his dipstick
One bit short of a byte
One board short of a porch
One bun short of a dozen
One hot pepper short of an enchilada
One node short of a network
One pearl short of a necklace
Ready to check into the Ha-ha Hilton
Running on empty
Serving donuts on another planet
She wears a ponytail to cover up the valve stem
Short circuited between the earphones
Sloppy as a soup sandwich
Slow as molasses in January
Slow out of the gate
Smarter than the average bear
Smoke doesn’t make it to the top of his chimney
So boring, his dreams have muzak
So dim, his psyche carries a flashlight
So dumb, blondes tell jokes about him
So dumb, he faxes face up
So dumb, his dog teaches him tricks
So slow, he has to speed up to stop
So stupid, mind readers charge half price
Someone blew out his pilot light
Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder
Switch is on, but no one’s receiving
Takes her 1.5 hours to watch 60 Minutes
The cheese slid off his cracker
The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead
Thick as pig dung and twice as smelly
Thinks cellular phones are carbon-based life forms
Thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease
Three chickens short of a henhouse
Toys in the attic
Traveling without a passport
Two chapters short of a novel
Uses his head to keep the rain out of his neck
Warranty expired
Wasn’t strapped in during launch
Whole lotta choppin’, but no chips a flying’


Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

Puppy Dog Webcam - A Bad Idea?

Is there anyone else that thinks this could be a bad idea? I don't know maybe I'm just a paranoid father.

Would you have a puppy dog webcam? Would you allow your kids to play around with it? I just see all kinds of areas where this is just not a good idea.

Have you ever come across products like this where you thought it was a bad idea? What about some silly products that you just couldn't see the need or use?





Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

Butt Bunchers! You Walk They Ride!

Tell me that is not a great tag line for a new line of Plus Size clothing. You ever wonder why short fat people can never find pants long enough? I have. I have also wondered why the pants and shorts ride up so bad? That has to be uncomfortable.

That is where my new line of plus size clothing comes in. It will be designed to ride up comfortably yet still be fashionable. If you can't keep them from riding design them to ride comfortably.

Oh come on....You've thought you just never had the guts to say :)

That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You NEED To Know What I Think

Why Don't Alarms Say Something Useful

Okay this is just me but why don't car alarms say something useful? For example: "This piece of crap early 90's cavalier is being ignored so I just wanted everyone to look at it." I mean really an alarm on a rusted early 90's cavalier? I guess I should give the benefit of the doubt and assume a $1000 stereo or something.

And what about home alarms why don't they scream out, "Hey neighborhood, 1111 Any St. is being broken into, surround the stupid ()^&*^%*(#%*( and bring guns!" Don't you think that would work better? I do. That is what I was pondering in my little mind at the moment.

Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

A Kentucky Ghost Story

This happened about a month ago just outside of Owensboro , Kentucky , a small town on the banks of the Ohio River , and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's indeed real.

An out of state traveler was walking along the side of the road hitchhiking on a dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could barley see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly he saw a car approaching, moving slowly and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.

Wanting a ride very badly, the guy jumped into the car and closed the door; only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of the engine to be heard over the rain.

Again the car crept slowly forward and guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and beg for his life. He was certain the ghost car would go off the road and into the river, and he would surely drown! But just before the curve, a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again.

Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, frightened nearly to death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran through the storm to the nearby town.

Wet and in shock, he went into a lighted tavern and with voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, and then, shaken, he told everybody about his supernatural experience.

A silence came over those listening and everybody got goose bumps. They realized the guy was sober and was telling the truth. And the sounds of the storm continued outside.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other, "Look Billy Bob, there's that idiot that rode in our car while we was pushin' it in the rain."


Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

Dumba-- Leaves His ID At Crime Scene

Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

The Jokes On You!

I just was walking by the mirror and realized I was wearing my Canada - America's Hat T-shirt and figured I would post this and give you guys the information on where to get some hilarious t-shirts that are really my kind of humor. Yes folks the banner is an affiliate link, but hey I have to feed my 10 kids, 4 dogs, 3 hamsters, 5 cats, 2 birds, 3 wives, 19 concubines, 2 mistresses, and my "helmeted" brother Todd who loves tater-tots. Dang can he eat! NOW GO BUY SOME SHIRTS!!! Or you could just sympathize with my plight and leave a comment.




Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

GPS Or Cell Phone - If You Are A Thief You Better Make Sure!

The line about the criminals thinking they had stole cell phones is hilarious. What a bunch of dumba--es.

Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

Monday Watercooler Stories

Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

Canada - America's Hat

LOL very funny. No offense meant to all of my Canadian readers. I just thought this was a funny line and thought I would share it with all of you along with the opportunity to get the shirt from one of my favorite clothing places online - BustedTees.com. Get the shirt! Canada America's Hat - $17.99 - BustedTees.com

BustedTees.com is one of my favorite sources for humorous tees. The shirts are very funny and great conversation starters. I have a sarcastic sense of humor anyway so many of the shirts are even funnier to me. Honestly, tell me those aren't funny. Enjoy!






Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

The Nun's Solution

Three men sitting behind a couple nuns, their headgear partially blocking the men's view, at a baseball game decided to heckle the nuns in an effort to get them to move.

In a very loud voice the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah. There are only 100 nuns living there."

The second said, just as loudly, "I think I'm going to move to Montana. There are only 50 nuns living there."

The third, even louder, piped in "I'm heading to Idaho. There are only 25 nuns living there."

Finally having had enough one of the nuns turned around, looked at the men and in a the sweetest, calmest, most saintly voice said, "Why don't you go to hell....there aren't any nuns living there."

Yours Truly,

Cman

Because You Need To Know What I Think

Extra Medium?

Okay, just sitting here wondering once again why they make extra small, hereafter referred to as XS, and extra large, hereafter referred to as XL, but they don't make extra medium, hereafter referred to as XM. No I have not lost it and yes I know what medium means. Let me explain and maybe you can understand a bit better.

I used to be a medium. No problems everyone has mediums and things seemed to fit just fine. Then I got the bright idea of working out, lifting weights and what not. Well I've bulked up a bit, and have now run into a bit of a problem. My mediums no longer fit quite the way they used to. They are tight and bunch a bit in the shoulders and chest. Okay so I took this as a sign that I needed to move up to a large. NOPE. Didn't work. It looked like I was swimming in fabric, and wearing clothes that don't fit makes you look bad and cheap. I like my clothes to look as close to tailored, and even have some done, as possible. I also like them to be comfortable.

Okay, sorry back to the XM stuff. For people that are smaller than small they have XS. Good solution. For folks that are larger than large they have XL. Another good answer to the obesity problems. Not only that they extend these ranges for the tiniest and largest amongst us. XXS and 3 or even 4XL anyone. But what about me? I feel like an under-served demographic in this country that are actually pretty close to normal. I'm not fat, well according to the BMI charts I am borderline obese. My thoughts on those charts is for another time though. I'm not quite a medium yet not quite a large. Hence the need for XM.

Funny thing is I have thought this out way too much. They could have XM+ and XM-, you know above and below M. That way you get those that are like me and the ones that are between M and S. See XM is a great solution to the problem. Hey I have always been told don't come with problems come with solutions. So here I am for all of you designers and powers that be in the clothing and fashion industries bringing you a solution. An idea whose time has come.

Of course I could just make sure that I only by medium shirts that are stretch. That has been working also. Nah....Bring on the XM+!